


I, Ultimecia

by klepto_maniac0



Category: Final Fantasy VIII
Genre: Angst, Contemplation, Gen, Kids being dumb
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-29
Updated: 2015-06-29
Packaged: 2018-04-06 17:35:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4230762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/klepto_maniac0/pseuds/klepto_maniac0
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eternal existence is not the same as life, and how does one escape hell? A look into the mind of Ultimecia in the early days of her time with Edea Kramer. This is canon to the New/Cracked Seed Universe but can be read as a standalone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I, Ultimecia

For as long as she could remember, Ultimecia had been alone in a castle of some mysterious making. Food appeared when she thought about it. The temperature never fluctuated. She did not remember aging, only educating herself from the books in her library that always seemed to have something she found interesting or needed to know. Ultimecia did not even remember having a name until the first team of White SeeDs had burst into her home and tried to kill her without so much as an introduction, and one of them had let the name slip through his lips with his dying breath. That was the first time she had seen other living beings, and when the next SeeD team came to kill her, she kept them alive out of sheer curiosity. But they offended her with their hatred and their bloodlust, so she killed them rather than endure their disrespect. It became her pattern with all further interlopers.

 

When Ultimecia grew tired of the sound of her footsteps and her rustling wings, she created servants with just enough intelligence to amuse her and make the endless days between SeeD assaults go a little quicker. She started to make traps and magical seals to make her would-be attackers struggle, and she watched their many failed assaults from her Master's Room, enjoying the futility of their short and weak lives. It was far more entertaining than watching ants fry to a crisp or sharks in the sea hunt down a meal. Part of what made them so interesting was the bond between teammates. They went to pieces whenever one of them died, which was entertaining indeed. It was like cutting a body's limbs off and watching the remainder of it wriggle. Watching the tears and agony made Ultimecia laugh, and when she would eventually get around to destroying the SeeDs personally, she always let them know what a favor she was bestowing upon them. If they were too weak to live alone, what point was there in even staying alive? Just look at her. She thrived without family or teammates and consequently conquered all her opponents. What foolish little beings they were.

 

Sweet times. Sweet, unfettered times. Ultimecia had no way of knowing how many SeeDs she had destroyed and how many unmarked days had gone by in her life. But she was certain of one thing nowadays... She had _never_ been so bored as she was at this moment, watching this significant slip of a witch do laundry with her bare hands. 

 

The thing that made Ultimecia seethe was that Edea Kramer was actually quite a powerful sorceress. Powerful and skilled enough to wrap Ultimecia's living mind and strength in an ever-shifting cage that prevented all attempts at possession with a nearly supernatural flair. With her strength, it would nothing for Edea Kramer to summon a cyclone or call down fire from the heavens. At the very least she could have created a servant to do the damn laundry for her, but NO. Edea did it herself. It was demeaning for one of her strength. It was a wasteful use of time. And most importantly, it was so intensely boring for Ultimecia to watch that she was on the verge of committing herself to oblivion if she had to sit through Edea scrubbing a cloth diaper  _one more time,_ humming a strange little melody to herself that she never sang aloud. That was also incredibly infuriating, but an entirely different subject.

 

“Matrooon!”

 

And  _then_ there were the children.

 

Ultimecia had had no particular feelings about children before being absorbed into Edea Kramer, but the past year of being crammed at the back of the black-haired woman's skull had given her lots of exposure to the little beings and now Ultimecia was decidedly less than fond of them. They were noisy, stinky, disruptive, and fearfully stupid, unable to make simple connections such as “the stove is hot, therefore don't touch it” and “the left shoe goes on the left foot. The  _ left _ . YOUR OTHER LEFT.” Ohhh, Ultimecia hated children now and it had entirely to do with Edea spending every waking hour with them, soothing their inane concerns and treating their booboos and acting like they were valuable. Valuable! These squishy immature sausages. None of them had anything of any interest to Ultimecia except one little boy, and that particular child... Well... Ultimecia did not hate him as much as the others. 

 

Little Seifer Almasy was an entertainingly terrible child. Since Ultimecia did not have to discipline him, care about him, or feed him, she could sit back and enjoy his petty childhood antics, which ranged from the boring (tugging on ponytails) to the inspired (taking an entire afternoon to fill up everyone's shoes with millipedes). There were meaner children at the orphanage whom Edea and her flibbertigibbet of a husband spent lots of time trying to rehabilitate, convinced and correct that their cruelty stemmed from trauma. Seifer's did not. He had grown up at the orphanage since he'd been a baby and theoretically should have internalized all of Edea's values—patience, kindness, empathy, blah blah blah. Instead Edea would find Seifer frying ants with Cid's glasses, caking mud into another child's hair, or drawing on the walls, and when she would exasperatedly ask him  _why,_ he would just stare at her and go, “Well,  _I_ don't know.”

 

Now, Ultimecia had practiced mastery in all aspects of her life. When she'd had her own body, she'd had a very rigid schedule of reading, spellcraft, flying around for exercise, experimenting on various monsters, destroying SeeDs, and researching ultimate power. Every moment of her day was busy and moreover, consciously chosen for the structure and value it brought to her life. But little Seifer Almasy operated on no such rules. He was a whirlwind of chaotic energy in a way that no other child at the orphanage was and Ultimecia found him rather charming. He interacted with the world in exactly the ways he chose and ignored everything he did not like. When he was concentrating on something, the rest of the world ceased to exist to the point where even injury did not faze him, as evidenced by following a line of ants and accidentally walking off a small cliff. He landed hard enough to make Edea panic, but despite the blood on his forehead and enduring the delay of getting his wound cleaned and a bandage on his cut, Seifer went right back to following those ants and then spent the afternoon poking down the nest with a long stick to make the soldiers bite it. 

 

At first Ultimecia thought he was playing in a silly sort of way, but later that night Edea heard laughing, crying, and the sound of punching. She ran to the older childrens' dorm room to find out that Seifer had actually collected the biting ants in a box and then emptied it onto one of the older boys' heads over some offense a week past. The older boy had caught him and started hitting him, but as far as Seifer was concerned, he had won. That was where the laughing had come from. Ultimecia wondered if she was getting too bored if she was impressed at his capacity for vengeance or if there was just something genuinely funny about tipping a whole box of ants into someone's sleeping mouth. 

 

“Matrooon, Seifer's taken all the kniveses out of the kitchen! He says he's gonna TROW dem! He's in the front with Sefie and Irvy!”

 

“Oh Great Hyne,” Edea sighed, dropping her laundry and hiking up her dress to run better. Ultimecia thought she needed a slit in her skirt for her active lifestyle. She watched Edea run through the kitchen and the orphanage proper, which was so neat and tidy—and again due entirely to mundane efforts. Bleah. Edea ran out to the front of the house and looked around, her experienced eyes looking for flickers of motion, and a flash of light made her whirl around before Ultimecia had even registered movement. There was a little brown-haired girl (Sefie) and a little brown-haired boy (Irvy) standing by a tree. The little girl was posing dramatically and the boy had an apple on his head. About six feet in front of him were knives all over the ground, some stuck in the dirt but most lying flat. 

 

And about four feet back from them was little Seifer Almasy, a cleaver in his hands, and his arms drawn back for a two-handed throw better-suited to an axe. 

 

Ultimecia laughed so hard that her sides would have ached if she'd had a body, and she still laughed as Edea darted forth, disarmed the little pirate, and gave all three children such a scolding that they all started to cry. Seifer's tears, however, seemed due more to the pain of being thwarted than realizing he could have accidentally killed Irvy, and Ultimecia felt a surge of understanding for his frustration. She knew exactly how he felt, having been interrupted countless times in her own castle by SeeDs looking to take her head. The utter infuriation of having an exciting project meddled with... Ugh.

 

That night, the reasoning behind Seifer's knife thievery became apparent when Cid led Edea into the library and revealed that the younger children had decided to put on a circus for their beloved Matron. It was... Amusing. Ultimecia did not intend to be entertained, but she found herself enjoying how earnestly the children played the parts of various animals or clowns or acrobats. Every 'act' was punctuated by flushed, excited grins for their Matron, who always applauded and reacted like she had never seen something so wonderful before. And when she gave back, oh! How they smiled. How they glowed with such happy completion that Ultimecia found herself becoming a little... Sad. Nobody had ever looked at her like that, and she was too self-aware to even pretend that the little children were looking at her. All their love was for Edea. Even little Seifer's, because despite being scolded that afternoon, he had apparently retooled his 'act' into a miniature play and had convinced one of the girls, a bossy little blonde who was wearing a sheet to cover her 'lion tamer' costume, to play the part of his lady. Or more accurately, his Sorceress. Ultimecia laughed again, partly because of the complete ridiculousness and partly because Edea was stifling an internal grimace, which was the first time Ultimecia had ever felt her being truly less than enthused with one of the childrens' acts. 

 

But maybe that had to do with the fact that Seifer had apparently stolen an entire roll of tinfoil and covered himself in it to approximate armor. It was  _adorable,_ especially when he got down on one knee, put his hand over his heart, and began to recite lines from a play or a storybook. Despite his occasional fumble, little Seifer's eyes shone with conviction and Ultimecia found that she could not look away or stop listening. Something in her nonexistent chest seemed to pull toward the emotion in that child's voice.

 

“We live in such times that I cannot save you with words or with emotion. All I can offer you is my sword and a heart that never wavers. I will make myself the enemy of a thousand enemies so long as you are there to catch me if I fall. I will cross rivers of fire and mountains of broken glass so long as you are the one who tends my wounds. For the sun of your presence in my life, I will give you all that I have.”

 

And then the blonde said some words and then two of the boys gleefully jumped on Seifer wearing a red sheet and a paper bag with a dragon's head drawn on it, and the circus ended in chaos as a play fight turned into a real one. It was silly and light and fun and...

 

...and not for Ultimecia. Not one bit of it.

 

Trapped in Edea's head as she was and denied all opportunity to move or decide her own schedule, all Ultimecia could do was think. And feel. She did not feel very often, at least not anything beyond annoyance or anger or something that could be channeled into useful purposes. For example, Ultimecia felt bored a lot and that translated into new magical advances, new servants, new ways to kill SeeDs. New speeches to practice in the mirror and new marks to draw on herself to mark significant points in time. New things to put into her schedule so she was busy all the time and at the end of her day, too tired to feel how cold her bed was and how empty and silent her castle was. How alone she was.

 

But stuck in Edea Kramer's head, that was starting to be the only thing Ultimecia could feel. That... And the other thing she was even more reluctant to name. The thing that she tried every day to ignore the existence of. The thing that had been with her all her life.

 

“ _What is it like to be happy? What is it like to have the trust and love of someone who cares and wants to see you smile? What is it like to have someone who cares about you so much that he_ would _walk across broken glass and fire just to be with you? I don't... Know...”_

 

/\

 

It was a few months later when a traveling merchant ship ran aground during a storm and Edea and Cid stretched their supplies to feed and heal the sailors. The grateful crew gave them lots of fish and seafood, and also a sickness to the children that manifested about a week later. The supplies in the medicine cabinet went down rapidly even with Edea making special soups to boost immunity, break fevers, and restore health. Cid left with what money they had to get supplies as fast as possible. 

 

It was annoying to watch. Ultimecia saw various children sicken and become bedridden with a disease that she knew could be banished with a flicker of power, and yet Edea refrained. She seemed positively terrified of using sorcery. It was incredibly foolish, impractical, and on an emotional note, might cost some of Edea's precious children their lives. Especially the young ones, who had almost no immune systems to speak of and very low reserves of energy. Except Seifer. He would be fine. Ultimecia knew at a glance that he was a veritable fountain of fiery health, as evidenced by his ability to run around and play and sneak into the room where all his sick peers were and taunt them by reading scary stories and holding up spiders in front of the ones who hated such things. When Edea scolded him, he told them that he was just making their days less boring. Ultimecia laughed and laughed.

 

Until one day, when Edea was in the kitchen making another pot of chicken soup with dried dates and yams for extra nourishment, and Ultimecia heard a little patter of footsteps.

 

“Matron?” It was Seifer.

 

“Yes?”

 

“I threw up outside.”

 

Edea turned around. Seifer looked back at her, unusually solemn and his skin paler than its usual fair tone. There was sweat on his brow. But his frank admission of weakness was what made Edea frown and Ultimecia feel a flutter of worry.

 

“Let's see,” said Edea, leaving the soup to kneel in front of Seifer. She checked his pulse at his wrist, made him open his mouth, and finally touched her forehead to his. Ultimecia tried to access the sensations to see what Edea was getting, but everything except sight and hearing were barred to her. It seemed like an eternity before Edea nodded and said, “Yes, Seifer. You are sick.”

 

“Dangit.”

 

“Yes,” said Edea, smoothing his hair fondly. “Now into bed with you. I'll be by with soup very soon.”

 

“Okay.”

 

It took about ten more minutes for Edea to finish cooking the soup and then spoon out the broth into six child-sized bowls on a tray. When Edea went to the younger children's room, she sighed; Seifer was nowhere in sight. Fortunately it had been about four days since the others had gotten ill and they were well enough to feed themselves—or rather, the bossy blonde slurped her soup and then went about imperiously feeding everybody else, so Edea left her to it so she could track down her newest patient. She found him in the library collecting books.

 

“What?” He demanded when he saw her looking up at him, hands on her waist. “I don't wanna be bored.”

 

Ultimecia laughed. He couldn't be that ill if he was worried about being bored. But a day later she had to revise her assessment, because Seifer got very sick very fast. It was almost like his body had held off the disease only until he became tired. Then the floodgates broke and critical germ mass flooded his body, making him sweat buckets, breathe shallowly, and have body aches so intense that he would cry when Edea made him sit up to eat. Ultimecia felt like shaking the woman. Obviously it hurt him to move, so why was she making him do it?

 

“ _Heal him!”_ Ultimecia raged as Seifer started to sleep heavily throughout the day, fever still high, sweating still intense. _“Heal him and make him better, you lazy fool!”_

 

Cid came back with medicine two days later. Whatever children were still sick perked up with syrups and pills and lozenges for sore throats, but nothing seemed to work for Seifer. He threw up the syrups. He could not swallow the pills. The lozenges made his tongue and throat swell up to the point where he almost couldn't breathe. Ultimecia's rage deepened as the little golden boy started to dim and fade.

 

“Edea, it doesn't look good,” said Cid that night, solemn in a way that Ultimecia could not remember hearing before.

 

“I know,” said Edea, her voice trembling with unhappiness.

 

“We might lose him,” said Cid with a dreadful certainty. Ultimecia wanted to slap him. And also slap Edea, whose fault this really was.

 

“I know,” said Edea, clutching her elbows as she hugged herself. “But... The alternative.”

 

“It has been years,” said Cid quietly. “And none of the children need to see you.”

 

“But they will talk.”

 

“Just break his fever, Edea. You know how strong he is otherwise.” Cid started to gesture as he caught onto the idea, saying, “Fortify his food a little. Perhaps speed up his metabolic processes, like you've done for me.”

 

“That was for poison, Cid.”

 

“It's the same principle, isn't it?”

 

Edea started to pace in their bedroom. “I'm afraid. The power is... It is not suited to fine work.”

 

“ _Yes it is, you fearful ninny,”_ Ultimecia snapped at her, even knowing Edea could not hear her. Ultimecia had dabbled with the very nature of reality itself, which was not about force but about subtlety. Sorcery could be very fine indeed. Ultimecia wanted to hit the woman, shove her aside, and show her how _real_ sorceresses got the job done. 

 

“If he dies, you know you will hate yourself for not even trying,” said Cid bluntly.

 

Edea flinched like she'd been struck. Ultimecia wanted to nod at the man in vindicated appreciation.

 

“...Just watch over me,” said Edea in a whisper. “Please. I don't want to become—”

 

“You will be fine,” said Cid, coming up to her and kissing her on the forehead. “This is for the best, Edea. For good. You will be _fine.”_

 

So even though it was very late, Edea went to visit Seifer. The rest of the children were sleeping peacefully but Seifer was out like he was dead, which frightened Ultimecia even as Edea noted the shallow rise and fall of his chest and took a minute to wipe his clammy chest and forehead with a cool towel. He was so tiny. Perhaps Edea had been right to worry about overusing power on such a small body. Misgiving suddenly made Ultimecia draw back.

 

But Edea set her fingertips on Seifer's chest, over his heart, and began to hum. And in Ultimecia's sight, filaments of power thinner than hairs began to flow from her body and into Seifer's, slowly drawing his shape in her power and taking stock of his condition at the same time.

 

“ _No wonder his fever refuses to break,”_ thought Ultimecia as Edea touched a blaze of elemental fire lore within Seifer's soul. At once Ultimecia saw the problem: Seifer's immune response had internalized intense heat as something normal and was thus cooking his brain and body because it was trying to make him stronger. Of course, the higher the fever got, the weaker he became, and the more his lore tried to compensate. He needed to vent the heat out, which could be accomplished with a little selective bleeding.

 

Edea, the fool, tried to push the fever down with pure power. On the surface it worked because Seifer's skin became cooler, but all that did was sink the illness deeper, moving from merely physical into energetic. Ultimecia felt like raging when she sensed him becoming sicker. 

 

“Damn it,” Edea whispered, seeing the same thing.

 

“ _You idiot,”_ Ultimecia said bitterly. _“He will die because of your fear.”_

 

“ _Oh, and_ you _have a better idea?”_

 

That stopped Ultimecia short. Edea, meanwhile, withdrew her power and sighed in relief as the sickness eased out of Seifer's vital energy and back into just his physical body. It was tricky working with someone with inherent magical lore, though Ultimecia found it amusing that she had encountered two blonds with fire lore in as many years. There had been that one young man with the scar and the black gunblade... But that flicker of memory was lost underneath Ultimecia's greater shock.

 

“ _You can hear me?”_

 

“ _Just now,”_ said Edea, stroking Seifer's hair. _“Just when I need to use the power.”_

 

“ _You fear me,”_ Ultimecia realized, feeling the restraints around her presence tighten.

 

“ _Your consciousness should have faded long ago,”_ said Edea, perturbed. _“But it has not. It is cause for concern.”_

 

“ _You took my powers when I was still alive,”_ Ultimecia shot back.

 

“ _You were about to die.”_

 

“ _But I was not ready. I was nowhere near ready!”_ Ultimecia started to get angry. It had been over a year since Edea had stolen her essence and trapped her here, and only _now_ she deigned to speak? The nerve! The disrespect! 

 

“ _Sorceresses like you never are,”_ said Edea, making Ultimecia sneer. _“And I wasn't about to let you exert your will over the children. Especially Ellone.”_

 

Ultimecia growled in irritation. Ellone. Legendary Ellone of the natural junctioning ability, the one who could reach anywhere in the past. Ultimecia had read only elusive traces of her but had concluded that her unique existence was the one thing she'd been missing in all her years of reseach into Time Compression. Using Ellone's ability was the only thing she hadn't tried.

 

Ellone had been on her mind when she'd been nearly destroyed by those foul little SeeDs, which was how she'd ended up in this disgustingly pastoral little place. And then Edea had tried to obliterate her instead of helping like a good 'younger sister'.

 

“ _You are not my elder in any significant way,”_ said Edea, making Ultimecia glare at her. _“I owe you absolutely no respect.”_

 

“ _A strange way to speak to one who knows how to heal a child when you do not,”_ Ultimecia shot back. That made Edea flinch.

 

“ _And... What would you propose?”_

 

“ _I will give you nothing unless you give me something in return.”_

 

“ _Unacceptable.”_

 

“ _Then he dies.”_

 

Edea's voice was very cool and even as she said, _“He would not be the first child I have lost.”_

 

That made Ultimecia pause. _“...You would let him die rather than treat with me?”_

 

“ _I am not convinced that he_ will _die,”_ said Edea, touching Seifer's hair. It looked very soft. _“He has always been a strong child. He could pull through.”_

 

“ _And he could also bake himself to death while you stand with a cure and do nothing.”_

 

“ _I sense that your 'cure' is more of a curse. I know your heart, Ultimecia. You have no great love of children and no motive to see them well. Why would you offer to heal Seifer unless you wanted something of great value? Something—or rather, someone—I already know you want?”_

 

Ultimecia nearly laughed.  _“Ah, you think I'm seeking to trade a life for a life. Heal Seifer, take Ellone... It is not a bad plan. Or rather, it would not be a bad plan... If that was my intention.”_

 

“ _Then what could your motive possibly be?”_

 

“ _This child is the only thing that makes my continued existence in your dull mind bearable,”_ said Ultimecia, which made Edea scoff. _“If he dies, I lose my entertainment.”_

 

“ _And if you heal him, what do you want?”_

 

“ _I want my entertainment back,”_ snapped Ultimecia defensively. _“That is_ all.”

 

“ _Really?”_ Edea seemed amused.

 

“ _If you doubt my intention, perhaps you also doubt my knowledge,”_ said Ultimecia irritably. _“So perhaps there is no reason to share it with you.”_

 

“ _Come now... Sister. It is not a shameful thing to say you care about Seifer.”_

 

Ultimecia bristled. She instinctively hated that phrasing. She was Ultimecia, herself, and had lived her entire life caring about no one and nothing. She'd had to. It had been the only way to survive... And it galled her that this nothing-witch thought the single time in her life that she'd have affection for something would be this noisy little blond thing who put ants in peoples' mouths and recited bad lines from stupid plays. 

 

Seifer made a noise that instantly drew both women's attention. It was a deep, sharp exhale. Like... He couldn't breathe anymore. And then his chest did not rise.

 

It was hard to say whose panic rose first or was greater, but Edea's hands and power were calm and precise as she scaffolded Seifer's failed lungs and heartbeat with her own strength and sent a fine pulse of power to the little bead of tissue on his heart that regulated the entire muscle. She let out a sigh when it started to beat again. Ultimecia said nothing. She looked down at the little child, dumbfounded that death could come so quickly and so ruthlessly for something so small. She had killed before but had never seen anything just  _die_ like that.

 

She did not like it. It made her feel even more powerless than she was already.

 

“ _What are your thoughts, sister?”_ Edea asked, gently withdrawing her power as Seifer's little body stabilized.

 

“ _...You have to let blood out of these specific points,”_ said Ultimecia, thinking of the places needed. _“Just a few drops since he is so small. We need to give his fire lore someplace to go so his mundane fever will break.”_

 

“ _I see. And how do you propose we let the blood out?”_

 

“ _A claw will do. Or a pin. Just a few drops here and there.”_

 

So Edea located a safety pin, sterilized it with a little alcohol, and pricked the tips of Seifer's ears, the very top of his head, his fingertips, and his toes under Ultimecia's instruction. He was so ill that even these sensitive places did not make him flinch, and the inside of his body was so hot and so cooked that when the blood welled out, it came out thick like syrup and swelled into beads the size of peas before finally running down. 

 

“ _Where did you learn about blood magic?”_ Edea asked as they watched the flushed red color of Seifer's skin fade to a normal hue. 

 

“ _There was a book in my library,”_ said Ultimecia. _“It was one of my many things to read.”_

 

“ _Your library?”_

 

“ _Yes.”_

 

Edea was silent at that for a while. _“Where are you from?”_

 

“ _Far away,”_ said Ultimecia shortly. She didn't want to think about her castle right now, if it even still existed. Damned SeeDs.

 

“ _SeeDs...”_

 

“ _Ugh, you know of them?”_

 

“ _Not exactly. What are they?”_

 

“ _Meddlesome, annoying creatures who seek only to destroy us.”_

 

Edea said nothing. Her thoughts and emotions were still closed to Ultimecia, but now that the lines were ever so slightly open, Ultimecia could feel some of what Edea did. And what she felt was the rabbitlike softness of Seifer's hair under Edea's fingertips. It was so fine, even as damp as it was. Edea started singing quietly under her breath as his breathing evened out.

 

“Once there was a way to get back homeward,

Once there was a way to get back home,

Sleep, pretty darling, do not cry

And I'll sing a lullaby.”

 

“ _What is that song?”_

 

“ _It's a lullaby.”_

 

“ _What is a lullaby?”_

 

“ _Mothers sing it to their children to help them sleep.”_

 

“ _How does it help them sleep?”_ Ultimecia asked, curious. She had heard of chanted and sung spells before, but this had no power behind it that she could detect.

 

“ _It soothes them. And makes them feel safe.”_

 

Ultimecia mulled over that. It seemed like a sort of hypnosis. She listened to the words carefully in case she needed to learn something and felt a sort of amusement from Edea. She ignored it. Feeling safe... It was something Ultimecia was not familiar with. With so many people coming to kill her without warning, there was never really a moment that was sacred and safe. What did that feel like? Ultimecia realized she couldn't even imagine it.  


 

/\

 

Eventually they left. Edea closed the barriers around Ultimecia again, but Ultimecia was not overly perturbed. That was partly because now she had seen how Edea's use of power had unraveled the thing a little, so she thought that with patient time and effort, she could eventually free herself. And Ultimecia was no stranger to things taking a long time and a lot of strength. 

 

But she was also in no particular hurry to leave. Right before they had gone away, little Seifer had opened his eyes and looked up at them. Edea.

 

“Thanks,” he'd said softly.

 

_Thanks._ Thank you. There had been so much trust, so much affection in his eyes and that one little word. Ultimecia knew how proud of a child Seifer Almasy was. He was so self-sufficient and so strong at such a young age. To say thank you... To humble himself before someone he trusted...

 

“ _...but not for me. Never for me.”_

 

It was bitter for Ultimecia to realize that. She watched little Seifer so closely and with so much interest that realizing that he didn't even know she existed... When she had saved his life... No, as far as he was concerned, it was his beloved Matron that was responsible for everything. His trust and his love were all for her. It wasn't fair. It wasn't right.

 

But it was reality. 'Not for me' turned into a refrain that ran almost continuously in Ultimecia's mind over the next few months. There were no smiles for her. No effusive hugs from soft little dumplings of children smeared with mud and grass. No clumsy little bouquets of dandelions and milkweed puffs. Ultimecia started to think that Edea collected and kept all these things just to taunt her—look at me, I'm useless, but I have something you never will. Something you desperately want. And will never, ever have...

 

“ _Because she won't ever let me out. I'll have to stay here and watch like some pathetic voyeur or just let myself drop off into the void... No. No!"_

 

So Ultimecia began to scratch at her barrier. Edea noticed and tightened the holds. Ultimecia struggled more. Edea funneled even more strength into keeping her hidden and contained. And that was probably why neither of them noticed Edea's safety wards going off in the middle of the night, which was usually when they were playing their 'game', and why Edea opened her eyes to Cid arming himself and saying, “Sweetie, we have pirates.”

 

_Pirates._ They went up and down the coast, stealing supplies and money and people. Edea woke up every child and put them all in the cellar, telling them that a storm was coming and Cid and Edea were going to fix the doors. She told only one older child the truth. Ironically it was Ellone.

 

“Do not let them out until Cid or I come back,” she told Ellone, who nodded seriously. 

 

“I can do that,” said Ellone, and Ultimecia saw a flicker of the power she had so badly wanted glowing around Ellone's skin. “In fact... I can make it so they'll just fall asleep down here.”

 

“You can do that for everybody?”

 

“They'll think they're dreaming,” said Ellone with a little smile. She was probably about twelve or thirteen years old and very composed. “And it'll make your job a lot easier.”

 

“Thank you,” said Edea, giving her a quick hug. “Be safe.”

 

“You too.”

 

Edea left before Ultimecia could see how Ellone activated her legendary talent and while Ultimecia cursed, Edea tied up her hair, picked a slim black staff up out of her room, and joined Cid on the roof of the orphanage. He had binoculars. 

 

“They're on the beach,” he murmured to Edea. “I count twenty. It shouldn't take long.”

 

“Be safe, dear,” said Edea, kissing him on the cheek. Ultimecia saw little golden sparks flare in Cid's nondescript brown eyes and realized abruptly that this doughy, bland-looking man was actually a Knight. How odd. 

 

“I'll be fine, sweetie,” said Cid, kissing her back. “Watch our six.”

 

As he made his way off the roof, Ultimecia watched Cid with new intrigue. She had always wondered what the benefits of having a Knight were...

 

From the beach to the orphanage, there was only a single stone staircase. The pirates knew this was a vulnerable place to be, so they crept up it carefully. But Cid was waiting for them and Ultimecia watched, very impressed, as he came out of hiding and started cutting through them like they were made of grass. Ghostly white flames flickered around his slim gunblade, turning what was already effortless combat skill into something even more graceful. As plain as he looked, Cid's character was anything but boring. No wonder Edea kept him around... Found him fascinating every day... And never grew bored of him despite his obvious flaws. What was that like? What was being that adoring of someone like?  


 

A thudding under Edea's feet made the woman look down sharply.

 

“Watch our six,” she muttered, sounding angry. “Of course!”

 

“ _I could have told you,”_ Ultimecia said to Edea as the younger sorceress climbed down the roof and back into her house. _“There's never any good assault that's only on_ one _front.”_

 

The house was dark, which was not a problem for Edea or indeed, any sorceress. The pirates, however, had flashlights and were searching the rooms in search of treasure or maybe captives. One of them spotted Edea and immediately shot at her without warning. Ultimecia laughed, already anticipating his painful death—

 

But then Edea staggered, clutching her shoulder, and it took Ultimecia a few seconds to realize that Edea had been hit.

 

“ _...You're an idiot,”_ thought Ultimecia in disbelief as Edea got shot two more times. _“Where is your reactive barrier? Why aren't you obliterating them?”_

 

Edea healed herself and got to her feet, shaking with... No, not anger. Fear.

 

“ _...Oh great Hyne, she's_ still _afraid of sorcery!”_

 

“Get out of my house!” Edea shouted, pointing her staff at the pirates. 

 

“How is she still standing?” One of the pirates gasped, horrified.

 

“ _What sort of pathetically weak era is this?”_ Ultimecia thought in disgust. _“Does_ nobody _understand magic?”_

 

“She's a witch!” Someone else shouted. 

 

“Put her down!”

 

This time Edea ran before they could shoot and Ultimecia felt like grabbing the woman and shaking her.

 

“ _DESTROY THEM! They are in your castle! They are damaging your property! They are coming for your children, you pathetic, cowardly, useless nothing-witch, and you let the most efficient way of defending yourself fall by the wayside because you are_ afraid! _”_

 

Gunfire shattered the hall and sprayed down along the kitchen wall. Edea screamed, covering her head as stone chips went flying past the little corner she was hiding behind, but she touched her staff to the floor and Ultimecia made an aggravated noise of approval as she saw ice pouring out from the point of contact. It was better than nothing, and pirates starting yelling and falling over in the hall.

 

A splintering of wood made Edea lift her head. Then screaming.

 

“PUT ME DOWN! PUT ME DOWN! HEEELP!”

 

“Ellone!” Edea gasped, surging to her feet.

 

“ _Ellone!”_ Ultimecia raged. These filthy beings _dared?!_

 

“MATRON! CID! UNCLE LAGUNAAA!”

 

Edea ran out into the hall. The pirates saw her coming and opened fire, but this time Edea managed to yank up a filmy barrier. Ultimecia felt like cursing when the bullets slowed, but still retained enough force to bruise Edea's legs and chest. It was a pathetic barrier. But Edea had eyes only for Ellone, who was being carried kicking and screaming down the hall by one of the pirates, and two more had just emerged from the cellar carrying sleeping children. One small brunet boy and... A blond child. A little blond boy.

 

The thunderbolt of rage that ripped through Ultimecia's chest belonged to her alone. Edea was merely horrified. 

 

“Have some of _this,_ witch!” One of the pirates shouted, stepping out from behind his compatriot to level a shotgun at Edea. He pulled the trigger and all at once there was a blinding, hideous pain that felt like being torn in half that went through Edea's stomach. It shredded her barrier and ripped through her side, making Edea fall flat onto the ground. Ultimecia started screaming in pure frustration.

 

“ _Now we're BOTH going to die because you are an idiot, and_ they are taking the children away! _Get up, you worthless fool! Destroy them!”_

 

“ _...I...”_

 

“ _Do it!”_

 

Edea's voice was full of nothing but suffering and self-loathing. “I don't know how...”

 

“ _Then let_ me _do it!”_

 

“ _No.”_

 

“ _They just took two more,”_ Ultimecia snapped, making Edea moan softly in anguish and pain. _“How many more will you let them get away with?”_

 

“ _...Ten seconds,”_ Edea whispered, her voice fading. _“Ten seconds before I cut the connection.”_

 

Ultimecia felt like sneering as she felt Edea fading to the background. Power and adrenaline ran through a body that Ultimecia could finally feel. Who did Edea think she was talking to? Ten seconds was more than enough time. Just look.

 

  1. Put up a real barrier.

  2. Heal the deadly wound.

  3. Get up.

  4. Open up Edea's senses to truly _see_ every hostile adult target in the orphanage. There were eight.

  5. Latch onto their forces with the unique people-seeking strength of sorcery.

  6. Stop their hearts with a little bit of magic.




 

“ _Four seconds to spare,”_ Ultimecia crowed as bodies dropped to the floor. Ellone struggled free and immediately ran to the little brunet, prying him out from the grasp of one of the dead pirates. Ultimecia walked down the hall and flicked her fingers, making a dead pirate roll off a little blond boy. _Her_ little blond boy. Ultimecia leaned down and gathered slumbering little Seifer into her arms. 

 

She had exactly half a second to feel the presence and weight of his tiny body in her embrace before Edea yanked control of her body back. The brutal tearing-away of sensation stunned Ultimecia into silence as Edea checked Seifer for injury, healed a bump on the back of his head, and then carried him back into the cellar. Ellone was silent as she carried her little brunet boy around the dead bodies in the hall and down into the cellar too.

 

“I'm so sorry, Ellone,” Edea said, touching her hair. “I know that was scary for you.”

 

Ellone smiled wanly. “I'm okay, Matron. It's not the first time someone's tried to nab me.”

 

“Edea!”

 

“We're fine, Cid,” Edea called, looking over her shoulder. Cid was standing in the doorway of the cellar, breathless with fright and his arms covered from wrist to elbow in blood. He'd clearly had a hard time of it.

 

“A very neat job in the hall,” he said to Edea, which made her flinch. He looked a little annoyed but said kindly. “Don't worry about it,” and shut the doors. A second later Edea heard the sound of bodies being dragged and almost covered her ears.

 

“ _If I'd known you'd be such a ninny, I would have incinerated them for you,”_ said Ultimecia disgustedly.

 

“ _How can you be so callous about this?”_ Edea demanded, horrified and nauseated. _“Those were eight_ people!”

 

“ _I've killed thousands of people,”_ Ultimecia shot back, making Edea gasp. _“And they chose to die the instant they tried to kill me or otherwise take away something precious. You are isolated out here, Edea, and mundanely outnumbered. You will not be able to protect anything with your fear.”_

 

Edea slammed down the barriers with such fury that Ultimecia knew that Edea knew she was right. Ultimecia laughed in bitter triumph and retreated to her little corner of Edea's mind, choosing to relive something more pleasant. Her ten seconds of freedom had been the only time in the last year she'd been able to move and work and feel. It had been wonderful.

 

So why, instead of recalling the headiness of power, was Ultimecia thinking about a heavy, soft weight in her arms and long little eyelashes over a sleeping face? Tiny little Seifer had smelled like amber and that almond soap Edea liked to wash everything with, but also sweet and milky like clean children usually did. Ultimecia found her nonexistent arms aching. She'd only held onto him for half a second. What a cheap reward for destroying eight enemies and saving precious legendary Ellone. If Edea had had any manners at all, she would have let Ultimecia introduce herself so Seifer could say "Thank you" to her. Just once.   


 

It would have been enough.

 

/\

 

Cid had a surprising amount of energy that night. He'd fought off probably twenty pirates, dragged eight bodies outside and disposed of them somehow, drew a bath and washed off, and came to bed in a... Mood. At first Ultimecia wasn't quite sure what was going on with all the kissing and the touching and the noises, but afterwards she realized she had just experienced sex in someone else's body. 

 

Ultimecia had never had sex. She had read about it in some of her books, but it was always described as the means to an end or a way to work with power. She knew very little about the act itself, mostly because up until now, Ultimecia had not been interested. Alone in her castle with nothing but servants and occasional killers, there had never been options or any real desire. Now she had a better idea and was curious about the process. She was so completely divorced from Edea's physical sensations that all she had to work with were sights (awkward and disgusting) and sounds (which were even more so). Yet afterward, she sensed that Edea was happy and relaxed and feeling a sense of completion so total that it was like nothing else in the world even existed. What did that feel like? 

 

Ultimecia couldn't imagine ever being so satisfied, especially now when her entire world was seeing and hearing behind diamond-hard walls, unable to escape emotions she hated feeling, finding herself wanting things she didn't entirely understand because she couldn't experience them firsthand. Seeing all these new things passing her by, ignoring her existence, and knowing she would never be able to have anyone even hold her hand or call her name... It was like being in hell. 

 

“ _I want to touch things again. I want to experience life again. I want to be me again...”_

 

Living alone in her castle with nobody and nothing, Ultimecia had never even imagined what other things life had to offer. She'd fooled herself for years thinking that all she'd needed was right around her and that nothing else was ever necessary. But now there was a hunger in her for more, a need to really understand and experience life. She was tired of living alone and without people. She didn't have to do that anymore. She did not have to structure herself so she never noticed she was alone.

 

But her time alone had been valuable. All those years of structure and research and learning about power had been useful. Ultimecia scratched at her barriers again and felt Edea tightening them—but sleepily, almost distractedly. Ultimecia smiled. She  _was_ going to win this battle eventually. No matter how long it took, she was going to exist again.

 

And then she was going to live.

 

/\/\/\/\/\  


**Author's Note:**

> I feel like Ultimecia had a lot of wasted potential. I know that due to the nature of her interaction with the cast and how she was using her power, she couldn't really reveal herself, but again... So much wasted potential. So I went a little nuts.
> 
> I tried SO SO SO hard to make it so Ultimecia's inclination towards cruelty and mastery comes from being lonely, not of out a thwarted desire to be a mother or a lover or some other cliched feminine role. I may go back and keep fiddling with this if I think of better ways to get this across.
> 
> Constructive criticism is appreciated. I am new to the FF8 fandom (seriously, I just started contributing this year) and making connections with other fans is always fun :)


End file.
